


find a heart and catch your breath, let the universe go red

by yoinomikazuki



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Acting, Forehead Touching, M/M, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:14:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25697128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoinomikazuki/pseuds/yoinomikazuki
Summary: Chikage dislikes many things: he dislikes most women and everything sweet. He gets angry when people tamper with his food and try to surprise him. He hates physical contact and people invading his personal space.But he doesn't hate Itaru, and maybe that's his biggest concern of all.
Relationships: Chigasaki Itaru/Utsuki Chikage
Comments: 3
Kudos: 59





	find a heart and catch your breath, let the universe go red

**Author's Note:**

> this was stuck in my drafts for a while and it's time to throw it into the world  
> it's chikaita week and this doesn't fit any of the prompts but I don't want to wait for the free day to post barely 1k words

"Is this about the last scene?"

Itaru nods, eyes fixed on Chikage but head too deep in thought to say he's actually looking at him. His eyebrows are slightly drawn together in anticipation just like when he's about to tap the ten pull button. He intakes a deep breath and exhales slowly, steadying his expression back to his usual slightly blank, slightly bored look. "Alright, ready. Let's start from your first line."

"You're not going to tell me what you've come up with?"

"I just want to try and change the delivery of my lines."

Chikage frowns sceptically. "Weren't they good enough the last time, though? I was under the impression we've agreed that the problem lies _elsewhere_." Elsewhere in question being the wall of hesitancy that grows between them, ripping the subtlety of delicate emotions by its roots. It's in the awkward twitch of Itaru's fingers right before they wrap around Chikage's wrist and in the halt of his footsteps when the proximity overwhelms him; he braces himself like before a collision that could hurt one of them. Chikage isn't sure which one of them would be doing the hurting in Itaru's book.

"Maybe so, but I still want to try this out." Determination in his voice could oh so easily get mistaken for some sort of desperation if not for his steely stare. "So give me a hand in here, alright?"

"If you say so." Chikage clears his throat and quickly skims his memory for all the feedback they've received during practice. Be unsure. Gentle. Affectionate. In short, all the things he's always been told he isn't and doesn't wish to be. " _It's been a while,_ " he begins. " _I told you we'd meet again._ " He touches it up with a smile, a sad one, merely an upward quirk of lips.

" _So it was a promise after all,_ " Itaru answers. He changes the delivery of this one; originally it was meant to be a cheeky remark, but after having gone through it over and over again they settled on making it a deadpan. This time, however, he's changed it yet again into something quieter, filled with badly hidden disbelief. It sounds more like a private musing than an answer, but oddly enough doesn't break the character. 

Itaru takes a step forward, then another and another until he almost completely closes the distance. He's closer than what they'd originally agreed on and his hesitant moves stretch the scene longer than during their previous rehearsals. He has to slightly crane his neck to look into Chikage's eyes now and only when he does so the next line escapes his lips, " _I can't believe you're safe. I can't believe you're finally here, with me._ " 

Chikage braces himself for what's supposed to happen next, waiting for Itaru to laugh merrily and for his lean fingers to latch onto his hand. This in itself is what has already ruined the scene in his mind, by now his guard is all the way up, muscles tensing in preparation for the upcoming touch. 

But then Itaru's hands wander up. And up and up and up, until in one swift gesture he tangles his fingers into Chikage's hair, pulling down while pushing himself up on his tiptoes. Their foreheads are pressed together now, Itaru's warm exhale of breath tickling Chikage's face. 

His grip tightens and so does Chikage's chest; his eyes snap shut meanwhile Chikage's widen. Not a word falls between them, not a line gets exchanged, only their heavy breaths break the still of silence. Then, Itaru huffs a laugh through barely parted lips. It shudders and stops abruptly when his balance falters alongside his ridiculous confidence. Chikage's hands act on their own, not waiting for his mind to catch up to what his body is doing – they land gently at Itaru's sides, steadying him at a firm distance. 

The line he's supposed to say now flashes across his mind, he can taste it on his tongue, rolling off its tip and getting stuck at his teeth. He needs to take a step back – now, _right now_ – to get rid of the suffocating sensation in his chest. This is bad, much worse than any other rehearsal, and it's his own fault for letting himself get so irresponsibly surprised when he should have by all means expected something messy like this to happen. 

Itaru's touch is warm and firm, intentional but not forceful, loose enough to get away from by carefully pushing him away. And despite that, despite how he wants to get away, how much that strange touch burns, he doesn't know how to move without risking doing something irreparable; accidentally pushing away too strong – or pulling too close. 

But then, just when he's about to make a decision, Itaru's eyes flutter open, staring deeply into his own, impossibly closer than he ever imagined looking into them. A loud, nasty curse escapes Itaru's lips as he stumbles backward and out of his reach. 

"I'm so _fucking_ sorry," he blurts out, nervously running a hand through his hair in an attempt to avoid eye contact. "I just– We've been struggling with this scene for so long and I'm so tired of getting it wrong all the time, and then Yuzo-san said that sometimes all we need is a little push and I didn't think that–"

"It's alright," Chikage interrupts him. Itaru lets his hand drop and finally – finally – dares to look at him, expression of sheer terror so clear on his face. "Stop running your mouth. You just misjudged. It happens, I'm not angry." Chikage crosses his arms, hands involuntary clenching into fists. 

"You can be angry. You should be, actually. I overstepped by making the worst possible action choice without maxed out stats." He scowls at himself. "No, scratch that, I shouldn't have _ever_ done that to you, no matter the stats," he adds with a bitter undertone to his voice. 

That clarification stings a little, a casualty of Itaru's accidental raw honesty. 

"Just don't do that again. I hate surprises," Chikage says blandly. 

"Yeah, I won't ambush you again." Itaru gives a small, awkward laugh and gestures toward the exit, already taking a step back. "I'll just go. Um, see you in our room, I guess?" 

Chikage nods, even though Itaru has already turned away. 

"Sure," he lies. 

There's no way in hell he'll be sleeping in the dorms tonight, only few steps away from the person whose touch of hands is still ghosting over his body, dangerous like a freshly torn wound. He knows he has just done something unfixable. And he hates that despite his painfully stark awareness of it, it doesn't feel wrong.

**Author's Note:**

> no kisses on my watch


End file.
